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[bodyoftheseus]

« notanetrunner » TEXT ✧ AUDIO ✧ VIDEO ✧ ACTION V ✦ Cyberpunk 2077
RESIDENCE ✦ Emerald District, alone w/2 cats
GEMBOND ✦ Ruby
It's V; you know what to do.

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[bodyoftheseus]

[ Nibbles simply meowed at Connor when the pets ceased, but simply stayed where he was without issue.

V wrapped his arms around Connor, one hand rubbing his back. He hugged Connor not quite tight: a firm reassurance that he was here, that he wasn't going to let go unless Connor wanted. He was here for whatever Connor needed right now. If he needed someone to listen, V'd listen; if he needed someone to cuddle, V'd cuddle. Whatever he needed V could give. ]

Nothin' can prepare you'n it'll hit like a ton'f bricks every time. Don't blame you for not wantin' to go back. [ He paused, sighing. ] Not much to do but grieve.

[ It was a little ridiculous, really. V trying to help coach someone through one of the things he refused to do for himself. He was bad about all of this and he knew it. He knew he refused to do this himself and he had absolutely no right to even begin to try to give advice on this. ]</small

[plasticasshole]

I don't... I've never had to...

[He struggles, which is rare for him, but he doesn't know how to express that he doesn't know how to grieve, exactly.]

There are things I've had to... accept, with regards to my past. But I've never lost a friend before.

[Said as if he even accepts what he'd done as the deviant hunter- it still gnaws at him, he still feels immensely guilty over it. But he's never lost someone.]

I don't know what to do.

[He holds V tighter, taking comfort in the fact that he's there, at least.]

[bodyoftheseus]

[ V let Connor struggle through it. Struggling was part of being a person and sometimes there was nothing to do but to muddle through it. ]

Not knowin' what to do's part'f bein' a person.

[ He hated that he had no real advice for Connor. There was no handbook on how to be a person or how to get through these tough times, and it never got easier. Things never hurt any less. ]

Nothin' to do but get through it. It's gonna take time it's gonna hurt, but you gotta just ride this out.

[ He paused, then spoke again, quietly. ]

You don't got to do this alone, though.

[plasticasshole]

[He appreciates that V is there for him, at least. Having a friend still around softens the blow just a little. They may not be as close as Connor was with Ethan and Elidibus, but he doesn't see why they couldn't be... though part of him does worry that V will leave, too.]

Would you mind if I stayed over tonight? I can't bring myself to go back home and see it so empty... but I can't just wander all night again.

[He pulls back a little, meeting V's eyes hopefully.]

I understand if not, of course.

[But he really would prefer not to be alone for a while.]

[bodyoftheseus]

[ It was true that this was not what he had meant when he offered Connor to freely visit, but it was so hard to be annoyed. He knew what it felt like to lose people and just what kind of loneliness it lent itself to, especially when it was a matter of the person leaving rather than dying. At least when it came to dying it was easier not to resent them.

The entire reason he got the house was so that he could live alone with his cats. He didn't mind having guests, but he was a private person and--

Fuck, he recognized that sadness in Connor's face, the hope in his eyes that he wouldn't be alone tonight in an empty house that wasn't a home right now. V's hands came to gently grip Connor's upper arms in a reassurance he wasn't going anywhere. ]

Can stay as long as you need. A day, a week, the month - don't matter to me. Rather you keep a roof over your head'n not wanderin' aimlessly.

[ He mostly just wanted Connor to be safe. People like himself did stupid shit when they were grieving and it would be easier to keep an eye on him if Connor stuck close. Couldn't have anything happening to one of Kerry's bandmates, after all. ]

[plasticasshole]

[The hope in his eyes settles into relief, and he gives V his best approximation of a smile.]

Thank you. I really... that means a lot to me.

[More than he knows how to express right now.]

I'll make it up to you. If you need anything, or want anything from me, just ask.

[He doesn't want to just bum around here and not contribute.]

[bodyoftheseus]

[ V gave Connor a very slight smile, a squeeze of the shoulders. At Connor offering to make it up to him V chuckled and shook his head. ]

Don't worry 'bout it. Really. Make yourself at home.

[ V let go of Connor. ]

Do you drink? Know I'm s'pposed to encourage good habits'r whatever but what's a night'f drinkin' so you don't gotta think 'bout it?

[plasticasshole]

[Connor shakes his head.]

I can't drink.

[Which is too bad. He almost wants to make bad choices right now. Especially if it would mean not thinking about it...]

I can't eat, either. I don't have a stomach. Too bad, huh?

[He sits himself on the couch beside Nibbles, petting the cat again.]

[bodyoftheseus]

[ V had wandered to grab a bottle of tequila and two glasses, but left one glass as Connor explained he couldn’t eat or drink. That was too bad, really, but probably for the better in the long run. Hard to become an alcoholic when you couldn’t imbibe. ]

Can’t imagine, but guess you can’t miss what you don’t know.

[ He joined Connor on the couch, setting the glass and bottle down. ]

Hope you don’t mind if I drink for the both of us then.

[ If Connor protested then he wouldn’t, otherwise he would pour and slam back the first drink, then pour a second to work on more slowly. It was clear he was an old pro at this as he started to speak, plucking some topic out of seemingly nowhere to shift Connor’s attention away from the hurt.

Nibbles, ever loving the attention, eventually tried to crawl into Connor’s lap to curl up and get pets. ]

So, what, you just live indefinitely so long nothing happens to damage the hardware, then? Or you normally got regular maintenance like how I got to visit Vik for checkups?

[plasticasshole]

I don't mind.

[He's beyond caring right now, he thinks. Though he does still purse his lips at the first shot. Was it necessary, he wonders?

Luckily, Nibbles is very distracting. Connor focuses on the cat, for the most part.]

After a while my battery would die. Biocomponents would likely break down before then, and need replacing. But theoretically, if you uploaded my consciousness and replaced my body entirely, I could live forever.

[Not that he wants to, right now. Not now that he knows what losing people is like. Wouldn't eternal life just mean more of that?]

[bodyoftheseus]

[ V was making a bit of a gamble, in truth. V had just enough contact with Connor to know that Connor was curious and willing to ask questions that others may consider rude and, frankly, V didn't want to talk about anything regarding his history. He always avoided it to avoid picking at half-healed scabs. If he could pre-game a bit then the probably inevitable way the conversation would find itself in the more uncomfortable parts of his history might sting less. ]

Huh. Guess we got that in common then. Don't think Arasaka's in business of replacin' bodies, though. My fate'd be more inclined to either steal someone's body or livin' in the NET, I think, or have a setup like Delamaine. Which comes with its own issues, but still an option.

[ The relic would save him from a violent death like it had already done, that was true, but in a situation where that didn't happen he wasn't confident in the relic's ability to essentially stop the effects of aging. ]

[plasticasshole]

Delamaine?

[He knows Arasaka is a megacorporation, the largest of the ones existing in V's world. He doesn't know what Delamaine is, though. He looks up at V with a glint of the old curiosity in his eye again, but it's still mostly overshadowed by sadness.]

Is that a friend of yours?

i always add an e on the end of Delamain rip me

[bodyoftheseus]

[ That was the glint of curiosity he was hoping to see, even if it was just a little. He didn't think he could maintain it, but that he got to see it at all was at least a start. ]

Uh, yeah. He was. Del's an AI. He took over a failing taxi company'n ran it. He drove every taxi, handled all the customer service shit. Everything.

[ It impressed V, really. He knew better than most humans that AI were more than capable of it, but it still always blew him away a little.

There was a pause as V's gaze fell. ]

He saved my life a couple'f times.

[ Even as he said that a shadow crossed his face, his mind drifting to the botched job and Del's refusal to take Jack to the hospital. ]

fake delamain fan

[plasticasshole]

A taxi company. And he did it because he wanted to?

[It's important to Connor that Delamain was doing it of his own free will- but he doesn't know how accepted that kind of thing is in V's world. Connor hesitates before reaching out to pat V's shoulder.]

Well, I'm glad he did. I'd like to thank him for that if he ever arrives here. I suppose as a taxi driver, he could drive you out of bad situations?

i blame richard delamaine

[bodyoftheseus]

Yeah. Saw a good business opportunity'n he told me he wanted to know more 'bout people. Told me once he liked hearin' the stories'f his passengers.

[ V's tone suggested he wasn't sure why, exactly. People didn't particularly treat each other very well in Night City.

At the touch his gaze finally focused on Connor. He was quiet for a moment at the question. On one hand yes, that was true, but there was a little more to it than that. The memory of that last conversation with Jackie flashed through his head, the hazy memory of Delamain talking Takemura through... Something. Something that kept him alive? He wasn't sure. It warranted a drink, really, with focus on the burn of the liquor to push those thoughts out of his head. He didn't want to remember any of it.

He wanted to be thankful for all Delamain had done for him, and about half of him was, but the other half wished that Delamain had just let him die all over again, or misguided Takemura into killing him.

V started speaking and the more he continued the more detached he seemed to become from what he was saying. ]

Yeah, but that's not really the proper scope'f things.

With the heist, Dex bought Jackie'n I the excelsior package from Del. It included a lot'f stuff, but mostly it afforded us protection. When shit went tits up Del made sure we got out'f the firefight in one piece. Hardly mattered - Dex put lead in my head once I got to where I was goin' anyway.

Some time later Takemura showed up with Dex to dig me out'f that fuckin' landfill. After fightin' our way through some Arasaka assassins sent to deal with Takemura, well... Del came'n picked us up even though we were out'f his service area. Took us to my ripperdoc's clinic.

[ Another drink, his gaze falling to look down into his glass as she idly swirled the liquid. ]

Honestly thought bein' killed woulda voided that contract with Del, though people like me don't get registered as dead with a nice little obit in the screamsheets'n it's not like I got a Trauma Team subscription, so guess he wouldn't've known. Probably wouldn't've done it if he had.

[plasticasshole]

[A lot of the terminology has to be pieced together by Connor as V talks. Ripperdoc? Has to be a surgeon of some description. Takemura was the man yelling at the flowers that one time... that's all Connor knows about him. He doesn't know who Dex is, but he makes a mental note that he's bad news. Screamsheets... some form of media? A Trauma Team must be some emergency service for people with the means to afford it.

"Heist" has his interest, though.]

Maybe he did it because he wanted to, rather than because of a contract?

[That's what Connor would want to believe, but he has no experience with Night City.]

What do you mean by heist, anyway?

[bodyoftheseus]

[ V was ready to argue the thought that Del may have done it just because he wanted to, but he caught himself and hesitated. It was entirely possible that Del could have done it just because he wanted - Del existed outside of all of the usual bullshit of Night City. He almost lived above the day-to-day, above the violence and filth.

It was entirely possible that Del did it out of good faith and simply wanting to help someone out.

Or it was just good customer service. ]

Possible. Can't really ask 'im, though.

[ It was clear he wasn't really convinced, but he wasn't going to pick at it. Not worth discussing something they'll never know.

Asking about the heist made V's hackles rise. He knew he was the one to bring it up but he was still not particularly excited to relive it. ]

Just a job. Dex scouted Jackie'n me out. He's the real paranoid type, had all the detes lined up for us. Shoulda been a real easy job.

[plasticasshole]

Should've... but wasn't?

[Connor watches V for a moment. Maybe he should tell him not to worry about reliving the details, but he's curious and V brought it up so he just assumes it isn't forbidden to talk about it or anything.

Connor already knows that Jackie died, but he doesn't know how- the other V never told him. He'll probably be able to piece it together depending on V's reaction here, even if he doesn't outright tell him, though.]

[bodyoftheseus]

[ V had known this was coming: he'd left it wide open for Connor to dig into. Some part of him must have wanted to talk about this or else he wouldn't have brought it up. He always had loved picking at his own scabs when things went bad. He was quiet for a moment and his face twitched into a very level expression: his usual resting bitch face. ]

Your nose gonna get you in trouble someday if it hasn't already.

[ It was more a warning for others than himself - this topic didn't feel great but it wasn't something that set off his anger.

His voice fell level and detached as he continued, as if he were talking about something dull rather than discussing a traumatic event. ]

Can't really plan on Saburo Arasaka - the leader of Arasaka Corp - to show up and confront his loser'f a son, Yorinobu, for stealin' the Relic. Definitely couldn't possibly'f predicted that Yorinobu would flatline Saburo mere feet in front'f us'n cause Konpeki to go on lockdown. Had to fight our way through an entire army'f Arasaka security to get back to Del'n get out'f there.

Did manage to klep the Relic, though. Case it was in got injured so Jackie had to slot it. He got shot when it was damaged, too, though he thought it'd be okay if we just got back to Del.

[ It hadn't been okay - Jackie died in the back of that taxi, but V couldn't bring himself to say it out loud even in his detached state. He could remember reassuring Jackie that they'd done it, they'd made it. He could remember the light leaving Jackie's eyes. ]

Shoulda planned on Dex flatlinin' me when I met up with him. That mistake was on me.

[plasticasshole]

You're probably right.

[Noting that detached tone, Connor finds himself wondering how people detach themselves from their emotions. Connor's grief is raw and he can't escape it. Is it something that happens over time? Can people just casually talk about traumatic events as long as it's been long enough? Can he?

"He thought it'd be okay" tells him that it probably wasn't. Especially if V was killed afterwards, too.]

I'm sorry. If you don't want to talk about this anymore... well, I won't mind.

[His hand finds V's, holding it for support- for both V and himself.]

[bodyoftheseus]

[ When he feels Connor's hand close around his own he looked down to see it, as if he didn't really understand what was happening. His hand closed around Connor's but it was more for Connor's sake than anything else. The motion did nothing for him while he was like this. ]

A little late to back out of the conversation at this point.

[ He looked back up to meet Connor's gaze. ]

If it bothered me too much I wouldn't talk about it. [ And he'll simply omit things that were still too hard for him to talk about, not that Connor would necessarily ever know unless he pried. ]

[plasticasshole]

I guess so.

[Connor pauses, then sighs, looking around.]

I... I'm grateful, though. That you'll let me stay. I know I said as much, but I mean it. Can I- can we...

[He shifts closer.]

I just want some contact at the moment. Another hug would be nice.

[He says it quietly, sad eyes locking with V's again.]

[bodyoftheseus]

[ V looked to Connor as he regarded the request. The acceptance wasn't immediate and there was a moment he made Connor wait. The moment was uncomfortable and it seemed like V wouldn't indulge it. He sighed and lifted his arm up to pull Connor into a hug. Connor was going to have to put forth the effort to move in and take it.

The hug was just as stiff as when Connor took V's hand, but V seemed to warm up to the hug. The distance seemed to pass, even if V was still a little bit awkward. ]

Really is no trouble. It'll be okay. Don't feel good now, but it'll be okay.

[ Probably. It would probably be okay. V had made it this far, hadn't he? ]